Ground Breaking

Here at Irk The River HQ (or Dick Head Qtr for short) we always like to break new ground. Sometimes that ground is worldwide smash hit type ground and sometimes it's just the stinking ground below our feet. Today we broke the latter by agreeing TWO live shows in ONE week. Our gig hit rate has been averaging around the three a year mark so this news has given us all a nose bleed. I don't quite know how this happened but it has. So deal with it. We are.

We play the same set twice (again) at Urmston Fiesta; an outdoor shindig in Manchester's most boring suburb on the 26th June (on at midday). We follow that with an excursion to Withington's Fuel (Vegetarian Cafe) Bar, which as a (vegetarian Cafe) Bar is still twice as exciting as the whole suburb of Urmston, and the place doesn't even contain any meat.

What a beautiful metaphor for our musical career thus far - all boring suburbs and vegetarian cafe bars...

P.S.
Don't ask about Chorley. We don't talk about that no more. No. No we don't,

1 gig, 2 gig

A slight hiatus since the storming intense burning fog of light that was the SWAYS Records launch night. We killed it. In a good way. You can check out the video of us vibing up 'Valette' at the night which was lovingly recorded by Folly Of Youth. You can also read Folly Of Youth's endearing write up of the said evening although the unfortunate soul was perhaps stood a little too near my guitar amp. I probably should have spent more than 10 seconds setting it up as it was a little loud and treble-y (this isn't a word). Thanks to all the hot spunky scenesters who made it along. But onwards..

We play The Big C this Thursday. Also known to some people as Chorley, Lancashire. It's a slight homecoming as this was the venue of our first ever rehearsals. Upstairs in an office no less with borrowed children's nylon string guitars (we drip anecdotes). We have been booked at premier booze and fun house The Imperial which is right next to the train station. They have been very accommodating, especially when we told them we wouldn't be bringing any equipment at all. In typical useless promoter fashion we still don't know what time we are on but history suggests it'll be sometime between 8.30pm and 10.45pm.

We'd like to play other places than Manchester and Chorley. If you are a largely unsuccessful promoter of rock bands in Leeds, Liverpool, Glasgow, Newcastle, Bristol, Cleethorpes etc etc then please book us. We'll play. You don't even have to give us a time and we might even bring some kit.

ManchesterMusic.co.uk gave us a super boss single review. Thanks gents.

Gig of the week

¡Hola Comrades!

So the live launch is ON this Saturday from 8pm. It's at The Castle Hotel on Oldham St, Manchester, which is not only a stunning Grade II listed public house but it is also the smallest venue in the whole of the city. Jokes aside, the show promises to be a cracker but we are wondering how we are going to fit everyone in. We are playing from 9pm with Emperor Zero on at 10pm and The Louche FC on at 11pm. It's pretty much a guarantee that if you attend you will come into contact with someone else's spittle or sweat. Probably mine. That's not a guarantee you usually get outside of a night out in The Printworks so I'd get involved while the offer is there. It's free too so even if you're homeless and you just want somewhere warm to be for awhile you won't be discriminated against with access into the house of SWAYS. It also got MEN's Gig of the week so even if you only go to gigs based on how way-narley reporters say it will be, then we can cater for that too. The Marder will not be playing though contrary to what the MEN says. Sorry. They will be there on the night though, mincing around as usual, throwing spittle and sweat over poor sods and bemoaning the rise of synthesisers within indie rock.

It's going to be bloody fun. See you there.

Sways 1st Mixtape

Hi All

Please download Sways Records first ever mix tape, featuring a toy-house redux of our hit single One Year Performance

Ghost Outfit / Monster Island / The Louche FC / John Knox Sex Club / Post War Glamour Girls / Emperor Zero / Pine Barrens / The Marder / House of John Player / Irk The River / Baylis-Howard-McCallum

[DOWNLOAD HERE]

Here you go: something eclectic for your walkmen, or your home stereo hi-fi. Sounds that have seen us through the winter of 2010/2011. Made up of new tracks (Emperor Zero “Mental Health Café”), exclusives (Ghost Outfit “Boy”), remixes (Irk The River “One Year Performance”), live tracks (The Louche F.C “Four Parts Bastard” & Post War Glamour Girls“Ode to Harry Dean”), rare alt versions (John Knox Sex Club “Katie Cruel”), unreleased early works (The Marder “I’m Perestroika”), experimental jazz and thrash (Bayls-Howard-McCallum “Forth 0.00 - 4.07”) & Pine Barrens “Binary”), tracks ‘that no fuxker has listened to’ - their words (Monster Island “The GM Verses”) and music you really should be listening to (House of John Player “Acre”).

We’ll be posting notes on these tracks and how you can get more free stuff from these artists/associates in the coming days, so if you enjoy some/one/all of the above; please do check back. Speak to you soon, enjoy.

Get to know Irk The River

As a bit of a get to know you activity, each member of the group has written a short introduction about the other two members. Here we go...

Andrew

"He’s alright once you get to know him” is the phrase best used to describe him. Obviously the more enlightened individual will know this actually means “he’s a dickhead, but you’ll get used to it”. Our resident bass player who also helps out with the odd energetic yelp. The man behind our killer groove all the while being a human without rhythm. An inability to see any other point of view other than his own makes him a formidable arguer. Looks great in chinos. CB


He is a keen cyclist who never ventures ‘off road’. The same cannot be said of his approach to bass playing, whereby sometimes even he wonders where is going.  One half of a rhythm section that likes to continually question the established principles of conventional fashion, Andrew is never far away from a heated discussion. BC

Barnaby (Crawshaw)

There’s no e in Barny, drummer, likes to run up hills, dislikes paying full price, wears glasses & tracky bottoms. AY


The man with the most northern name in the business. He once showed up to one of our shows wearing shell-suit bottoms and a fleece and was rightly severely reprimanded. He can tell you the exact price of everything he’s ever bought within the last ten years, including its original price before reduction; being the resident Yorkshire man he never pays full price on anything. Plays drums once a fortnight. Is the only human in the world who sweats only out of his stomach. Enjoys wearing shorts and going running up hills in the rain. CB

Christopher

He has the approach to life you’d expect from someone who spent two years without any curtains. Always one of the first in to band practice, his perfunctory, spiky guitar playing is the perfect foil for his soulful personality and dry wit. BC


Guitar/shouts, likes acting older than he is, dislikes running up hills, is tall & thin like a giant tinned carrot. AY

Due to the late arrival of a PR/plugging firm into the Sways camp, the release date has been pushed back to the 26th February. This is the date of the live launch and will be featuring performances from ourselves alongside the other way-narley music groups on the label. It's taken us about six weeks and a hundred ideas to finally settle on the cover for the record. It can be viewed above. Pre-release sales are going well too and can be ordered here.

Each member of the group has also put together a little biog of the others members of the group and we'll pop that up here over the weekend hopefully; a little get to know you fun.

It would be great to get a packed house on the 26th so hopefully see some new faces there.

7" single release

Irk The River - Valette by sways

The good people at Sways Records have just begun the pre-orders for our maiden 7" single release. It's a limited edition run of just 300 copies of our Valette track with Mind That Child on the flipside. We are super excited about it all and it's released proper on the 31 January. It comes with the free MP3 download link too so you can listen digitally to your hearts content. It's just three quid and you can pick one up over at Sways' online shop or get one if you see one of our shows. There's a live launch planned in February so we'll announce further details about that nearer the time.

Sways are releasing singles by two other groups along with ourselves. The Louche FC and Emperor Zero are both fantastic groups with great singles so we are really happy to be associated with the whole Sways thing. We'll probably give our thoughts (nay even reviews...) on the other groups' tracks in the next few weeks.

We hope you like Valette!

Andy's Lost Phone

So as if losing your phone isn't bad enough the police decide to rub it in with some top class piss-taking?!!

cracking crime by cracking jokes...

The Irk The River Guide on how not to talk about your music group in 2011

Irk The River have decided the best way to talk about and promote our group is this blog. Your group may choose other means but whatever method you use there are some golden rules that we feel you should stick to in order to stop yourselves looking like a bunch of pipes.

Music groups of the world DO NOT:

1.       Go on about your influences – Chances are that you aren't going to sound like them anyway. If the only thing your group offer is that you sound like something else then you need a re-think.

2.       Bleat on endlessly about where you’re from. If all you are is a place where you are from then that’s a sad state of affairs. A popular music track by a certain popular music group comes to mind; “wearing your birthplace/like a murder victim’s overcoat” – ‘Disneyland MCR’ by Irk The River.

3.       List all your Band Member’s Full Names. Who cares? Who actually cares what you are called? Not even you mum. Unless you’re Paul Simon or Jesus nobody has heard of you and whatever your name happens to be is totally irrelevant. Your own Dad doesn't even care (why don't you just get a steady job and prove the old man wrong huh?).

4.       Do ‘the sentence’. “(X) sound like the love child of (insert a band X) and (insert a band X) vomiting to the sound of (insert a band X) after eating too many pancakes on Shrove Tuesday”. These sentences don’t mean anything. They are stupid. They are another way of listing your stupid influences (see 1) while making you all sound like an even bigger bunch of turds than you actually are.

5.       Have photos of you all stood against a wall, looking nonchalantly in different directions like you are all just having a nice rest. See what you’ve just done? You’ve just created a visual piece of history that illustrates your group are a bunch of absolute pipes.

CB

Introduction

Hello and welcome to the Irk The River blog where we have fashioned our own grubby little corner of the internet. We have decided what better way to school the world about the group than to produce this blog. We are going to use it to let people know about the music we’re releasing, the shows we are playing and also to share our extra curricular past times like grumbling and calling each other dicks all the time. It won’t simply be us telling you to come to one of our shit Wednesday night, ‘fiver in’ gigs on a soggy November evening. We hope it will become a living space for us to involve you in our way of looking at the world and vice versa.

We look forward to getting to know each other.

Irk The River x